Tor on Marathon

Yesterday, The World witnessed the Memorial of the Great Michael Jackson. I think it was a beautiful and touching event, classy, delicate and to the point. May the great performer rest in peace and may his music live on forever.

Other times had their Masters too… remember the similar (and probably greater) prodigies of Mozart and Beethoven, the spirit of Schubert, the sufferings of Shostakovich and the lyrics of Miles Davis. They – and many more – live on too.

I think all these geniouses had one profound thing in common: a vast feeling of loneliness. Just read this qoute of Michael Jackson:

People think they know me, but they don`t. Not really. Actually, I am one of the loneliest people on this earth. I cry sometimes, because it hurts. It does. To be honest, I guess you could say that it hurts to be me.

No comparison at all… don’t we all feel the same sometimes ? The horisont of being alone in the world, the lack of true companions that fully understand ‘everything’ ? Perhaps this is one of the bridges that Music can build… even across centuries.

Personally, I feel often more connected to these great Masters than to my contemporary peers, mates, girlfriends and so on. Perhaps I just have yet to meet someone with the same fragility as myself ? Most people I know are specialized in their jobs and careers, and do far better than I. Admitted. Most people I know find strength in their families, and appear much stronger than I. Admitted. Most people I know have the ability to uphold what I would call narrowminded personal illusions of life and they truly believe and take pride in them. I can’t do that and it leaves me weaker, apparently. Admitted.

I – I am poisened by asking questions, by questioning myself, the life, the meaning. I am suffering the losses that Death brings… and, I like to believe, the unspeakable Wisdom that springs. I honestely think I play with the world most of the time… and that I see through people in seconds. I find no real counterplay, mostly. I guess that is… loneliness.

It is all here… Beethoven Opus 135, 3rd movement. Do you follow me ?

PS: However, in running I do find the ‘unspoken’ sense of belonging. With my many marathon friends, I . and we – often share experiences on levels that cannot or are not accounted for… but which we ‘understand’ with no words spoken. This is one of the fine things about running marathons.

I guess it is not very politically correct to touch on the dark side of the human nature. Good for us all, then, is that art and fiction can expose and perhaps to some extend neutralize these kind of feelings and matters for us. The pinnacle figure in this respect could very well be Darth Vader from Star Wars, the prodigy Anakin Skywalker that falls prey to the Dark Side… actually propelled by the love and loss of his mother.. and later his neurotic fearings for his fiancee. Anakin’s way to the Dark Side…

… is summarized to the issues of:

• A forbidden love
• Dreams
• Anger
• Revenge
• Disappointment
• Helplessness
• Hate
• Feelings
• Isolation
• Fear
• Pain
• Dead

If you are one of the very lucky people on Earth NOT to have been in contact with any of these, be happy for your rare innocence… and otherwise, and more likely, you probably know the fight within in order to stay clear of the tempetations of the Dark Side. I do for sure ! 

So how do we deal with the Dark Side ? Look at the World ! Wars, Tyrannies, Poverty, Greed, Injustice etc. … I guess we are not doing exactly great.  Myself.. well I try to deal consequently with persons overstepping my limits, feelings or, worst of all, betray my confidence. If there is one thing I really lower, it is the weakness in others making them lie. Lie to me and you are ‘dead’, written out of my World forever. 

So to the end of Revenge… and trying to stay clear of the Dark… I take Silence as the preferred weapon. Friends can make mistakes… which should propel dialogue and forgiveness… but real Enemies will hear… nothing. They simply don’t deserve the attention.